Have Mouth Will Eat - Top 10 Weirdest Items Found in Pet's Stomachs

Funny thing about kids and dogs - most of them will attempt to eat most things that are 'not on their plates - or in their bowls'!

I recall my mother recounting to others the many horror stories about her kids and the family dogs ... 'if you think your kids/dogs did something real stupid, just wait til I tell you what mine did.' The way she tells it -  if we could not make whatever it was disappear because  it would not fit up our noses,  we simply got rid of it by popping it straight into our mouths and swallowing!

For Kids : the Top 12 Things that are the hands down winners for 'Shoving Up Your Nose' are:

- buttons

- bottle-tops
- thimbles
- stones
- food
- dead flies and moths
- anything round
- anything square
- anything long
- anything short
- anything soft, hard or gooey
- anything new and never seen before

Dogs on the other hand thank heavens, are not properly equipped to 'shove stuff up their snouts' - but, some of them  are seriously challenged and  'dumb' when it comes to what they will 'eat'.

Now, I subscribe to the newsletter of wonderful vet Dr Andrew Jones who you can find here at Veterinary Secrets Revealed -  and what sparked this post today was what he sent to my in-box this week, an interesting article  titled - Top 10 weirdest items removed from pet's stomachs.

After reading Dr Andrew's newsletter and in-between the odd under the breath snigger,  I kind of felt that perhaps  two recent posts I wrote about 'Am I Ready To Have A Dog Or Cat' and 'Planning To Have Children? Then This Is A Test You Must Take' -  should absolutely have included a 'Glossary of  Unusual Nose and Stomach Foreign Objects' together with some instructions on what to do about them if they suddenly made their way up the noses or into the stomachs of a child or pet on your watch!

Anyway, here they are - Oh! and if you have any 'nose or stomach  foreign object stories' of your own, please, let's have them ...

For Dogs : The top twenty list in full is:

1. Ten-inch tent peg
2. Christmas decoration (star shaped)
3. Kitchen knife
4. Alphabet fridge magnets
5. Man's wig
6. Ann Summers underwear
7. Bell
8. Fishing hook
9. Socks
10. Rubber duck
11. Baby's dummy
12. Golf balls
13. Coins
14. Balloons
15. Metal ball from a computer mouse
16. Shoe laces
17. Power ball
18. Corn on the cob
19. Needle and thread
20. Box of chocolates

In closing,  let me say to all you adults reading this who are having a laugh or scoffing at the stupidity of kids and dogs - please, oh please take a quiet and private moment to reflect and remember some of the really 'dumb ass' things you have managed to do ... AS AN ADULT! .. LOL ...

Celebrate and Enjoy Life with ..  if not a Clear Conscience then at least ...  Clear Nasal Passages!!

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Just recently I wrote a humorous post about Kids And What They Say About The Bible.

As always, kids never let us down when it comes to sharing their sheer honest opinion, which this post about Funny Things Kids Say in Church certainly bears out.

Enjoy, this will put a smile on your face!

3-year-old Reese :
'Our Father, Who does art in heaven,
Harold is His name.
Amen.'

A little boy was overheard praying:
'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am.'

After the christening of his baby brother in church,
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied,
'That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,
and I wanted to stay with you guys.'

One particular four-year-old prayed,
'And forgive us our trash baskets
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.'

A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they
were on the way to church service,
'And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?'
One bright little girl replied,
'Because people are sleeping.'

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
' Ryan , you be Jesus !'

A father was at the beach with his children
when the four-year-old son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore
where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
'Daddy, what happened to him?' the son asked.
'He died and went to Heaven,' the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
'Did God throw him back down?'

A wife invited some people to dinner.
At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,
'Would you like to say the blessing?'
'I wouldn't know what to say,' the girl replied..
'Just say what you hear Mommy say,' the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said,
'Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?'

After reading these, if you think God does not have a sense of humor....think again!!

Celebrate Life with Peace, Love and Happiness!

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This is a short and sweet Friday quickie.  At sometime or another, we all contemplate and ask - 'what are the most important questions in life?'

Seems that James,  a friend of mine, found them -  two of them ...too funny!!

Question 1: Should I get a dog?

Question 2: Should I have children?

There....that should narrow it all down and certainly should make the choice easier.....!

Celebrate Life and every decision!!

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So , during an afternoon of  'women and motherhood' discussion with myself and my daughter (the still a little shell shocked mother of a year and a half old son and 3 year old daughter) my niece, pregnant with her first baby, bravely, if not a bit naively, gave us her opinion of what she believed was ....'A Real Mother'...

The discussion was certainly animated and spirited.

Ok, so I had to sit on my daughters lap to keep her from performing a cross room leap that would have put a smile of admiration on the face of Rudolph Nureyev .

But hey, most of us have been there, haven't we?  - on the receiving end of one of those enormously, blissfully  'ignorant of the real world' ego driven opinions that are born of a total lack of experience and a lot of blind courage.

While my daughter and her favorite cousin were passionately debating the subject and behavior of 'real mothers', I recalled sometime ago being sent something on just this subject and made a mental note to dig around for it as soon as I got home.

Found it!.....  I have no idea who the original author was but I do know that I took the opportunity to expand on it somewhat.

If you have anything you would like to add, please feel free and do so by leaving us a comment.

Here it is....enjoy!

Real Mothers:

• don't eat quiche; cause most times, they don't have time to make it.

• know that their kitchen utensils are probably in the sandbox

• often have sticky floors, filthy ovens and happy kids.

• know that dried play dough doesn't come out of carpets.

• know that chewing gum cannot be painlessly removed from hair.

• don't want to know what the vacuum just sucked up.

• know that shopping with kids can never, ever be fun.

• know that the last good nights sleep was had before the kids came along - and the next will be when the kids leave home.

• sometimes ask 'Why me?'  and get their answer when a little  voice says, 'Because I love you best.'

• know that a child's growth is not measured by height or years or grade...  It is marked by the progression of  Mommy to Mom to Mother and back to Mom.

The Images of Mother

4 YEARS OF AGE -  Mommy can do anything!

8 YEARS OF AGE - Mom knows a lot about a lot of stuff.

12 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother sometimes doesn't really know what she is talking about.

14 YEARS OF AGE - Like my Mother doesn't have a clue what I am talking about.

16 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother is just sooooooooo embarrassing.

18 YEARS OF AGE - My Mothers opinion....Nah...I don't really need it.

25 YEARS OF AGE - She might know a little bit about it!

35 YEARS OF AGE - I love chatting things over with Mom.

45 YEARS OF AGE - What does Mom think about it?

65 YEARS OF AGE - Wish I could talk it over with Mom.

A Real Mother...'I Think'

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Cooking games are the new online rave. People from all over the world discover the chef in themselves with these games, which allow them to experiment with different ingredients, create new recipes or just prepare their standard dishes in a race against the clock or other gamers. Cooking games come in several varieties, so you can always find something that can entertain you from a few minutes to whole hours.

Regarding the video game console market, Nintendo has made available its new cooking game, appropriately called, Cooking Mama. The game is available for Nintendo's latest portable video game console, the DS, and it features the consoles microphone, stylus and touch screen in order to give you the best cooking simulator so far. Unlike other games, Cooking Mama doesn't require you to press buttons. Instead, you use the stylus to simulate cooking processes, such as chopping, mixing, flipping things, and the like. In addition, you can also use the DS microphone to cool hot food by blowing at it.

The game features 15 basic recipes. As you progress and complete these, you unlock more complex recipes, so you end up with a little more than 75 recipes to play with. The first ones, as you can imagine, are very simple, while the last ones can be really complex and require several steps carried out with perfect timing and order. And to top it off, you're playing against the clock, so you have to have fast thinking and good reflexes as well. There are many types of online cooking games in the web. Cooking games are really fun and it is very entertaining thing, every girl knows about it!

Dishes come from all over the world. However, since its a game made in Japan, there might be just a little too many Japanese recipes that Western games haven't heard about. This is not necessarily a bad thing, as it allows players to be exposed to a different culinary art, and gives them ideas on what to order next time they go to a Japanese restaurant.

If this game doesnt appeal to you, there are other options on Internet that you can try out. Unlike a portable video game console cartridge, an online cooking game will be free and as easy to play as opening your e-mail. One type of game requires you to move along a big, large kitchen, flipping pancakes. Its much more challenging than it looks, as you have to flip them both sides in time or they'll burn. If this game doesn't appeal to you, there are other options on Internet that you can try out. Unlike a portable video game console cartridge, an online cooking game will be free and as easy to play as opening your e-mail. One type of game requires you to move along a big, large kitchen, flipping pancakes. Its much more challenging than it looks, as you have to flip them both sides in time or theyll burn.

So, as you can see, no matter what your type of game is, there is something out there for you.

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Who Are Grandparents?

More parenting videos on JuiceBoxJungle

A really astounding fact is : according to the U.S. Census Bureau, 1.3 million children are entrusted to their grandparents every day

I find these statistics interesting.  Think about this...

• kids are generally of the opinion that they are smarter than their parents

• kids generally disagree with every decision their parents make about their own or their kids lives

• kids  believe that their parents  really have little or  no idea what they are doing.

Well, here's the thing..

When they grow up and have kids of their own - which group of individuals is generally the first choice pick when babysitting or childcare is needed?.....Yeah you got it, us the grandparents, the people who supposedly had no idea what they were doing in the first place!!!!

I quite often wonder how my husband and I managed to raise three children without the 'expert help and guidance' of at least one of our children!!'

What did we know or understand about bringing up kids in our day?

As luck would have it,  at around the ripe of  old age of  10years,  our kids  turned into walking encyclopedias on child rearing and pretty much everything else that we as parents needed to know, say, do, wear and buy. Did this mean we had fighting chance of getting through this?

Oh how blessed we were being the parents of our three pubescent children...

We now had the benefit of  live-in groomers, financial advisers, menu planners,interior decorators and speech and personality therapists - who were there to:

• remind us of how little we actually knew
• how little we understood and,
• how incapable we were of doing these and most others things without their expert help and guidance.

  

This peculiar notion continued taking on a life of its own

We were reminded fairly often that we had lived in the 'olden days' when they did not have access to all the very latest and greatest 'child whisperers', research and those up to the minute methods in parenthood and child rearing  that, it would appear,  'have only been available since our kids grew up.'

Some light at the end of the tunnel

The apparent respect and appreciation of all things 'grandma or grandpa' was that one little blessing in disguise that we, and no doubt many other parents,  from time to time, have been ever so grateful for. Though we had to accept that the 'cool thing to do', by both the 'grandies' and the kids,  was to make it quite apparent that my husband and I were  considered to be 'the enemy'.

Then nature worked her magic.

Now grown up, (or, as best as they could be, having been  disadvantaged by having us as their parents) our kids got married and oh joy, oh joy...... started having kids of their own.  They could finally demonstrate, in very practical terms, how this parenting thing should be approached.

We are 'the grandparents', we are cool and we remain gracious about this and we smile in agreement (keeping the evil grin just lurking beneath the surface). We do exactly as we are told, listening intently as they, as parents, give us their solid, good advice together with the value of their expert opinions .

It is also round about now that we must accept that as 'old people' (grandparents) it will be necessary for our children to 'correct' us every now and again.  But the thing is...and this is the beautiful part.... our grand kids think we are cool -  and whats more, they think that their 'Mum & Dad don't have a clue about cool, what it is, or what it means' .

Grand-kids are just plain ...  the 'coolest dudes'

Now we can just enjoy getting on with the serious business of being grandparents  - and grandparents and 'cool dudes' get along great, oh yeah.. they do!!

Who are Grandparents - Taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-old children...(author unknown)

• Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own - but they like other people's.

• A grandfather is a man, and a grandmother is a lady!

• Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.

• When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.

• They show us and talk to us about the colors of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on 'cracks.'

• They don't say, 'Hurry up.'

• Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.

• They wear glasses and funny underwear.

• They can take their teeth and gums out.

• Grandparents don't have to be smart.

• They have to answer questions like 'Why isn't God married?' and 'How come dogs chase cats?'

• When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.

• Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with us.

• They know we should have snack time before bed time, and they say prayers with us and kiss us even when we've acted bad.

• A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived.  ''Oh,'' he said, ''She lives at the airport and when we want her, we just go get her. Then when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport.''

• Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!

• It's funny when they bend over; you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.

So,  onward and upward grandparents of the world, bless ya, each and every one one. Enjoy and make the most of this period of  time in your life when not only do your grandchildren believe you are smart.....but hey!! your kids, for the first time in their lives,....probably agree with them.

Celebrating Being a Grandparent!

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Aah, the marvelous minds of children, and the things they say!!

I recall many years  ago enjoying a show where kids were interviewed and asked to give their opinion on various subjects.

Their answers were pretty funny and at times, depending on the subject, downright embarrassing for some of the respective parents.

The following answers were given by some Elementary School kids when questioned about the Old and New Testament and are just too funny.

These answers were written by children and have not been retouched or corrected - any spelling errors have been left in.

A 1: In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis. God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off.

A2: Adam and Eve were created from an Apple Tree.  Noah's wife was Joan of Ark. Noah built an Ark and the animals came in pears.

A3: Lot's wife was a Pillar of  Salt during the day but a Ball of Fire during the night.

A4: The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with Unsympathetic Genitals.

A5: Samson slayed the Philistines with the Axe of the Apostles.

A6: Moses led the Jews to the red sea where they made Unleavened Bread which is bread made without any ingredients.

A7: The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments.

A8: The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

A9: The Seventh Commandment is Thou Shalt Not Admit Adultery.

A10: Moses died before he ever reached Canada.

A11: David was a Hebrew King who was skilled at playing the Lair.  He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical Times.

A12: Solomon, one of David's sons had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

A13: When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus she sang the Magna Carta.

A14: Jesus was born because Mary had an Immaculate Contraption.

A15: It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

A16: The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 Decibels.

A17: The Epistels were the wives of the Apostles.

A18: One of the Oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a Taximan.

A19: St Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached Holy Acrimony which is another name for marriage.

A20: Christians have only one spouse.  This is called Monotony.

God does have a sense of humor

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Nothing about suddenly being a brand new parent is hysterically funny.

Hindsight on the other hand allows us to look back at what we went through as parents and then see then the funny side.

So if you like me are one of the 'boomers' has looking back ever made you believe you wouldn't have done it!!!!

Suddenly our lives were not our own. As 'parenthood team players' we faced challenging times in an often chaotic environment. On top of that we had to be prepared to willingly forgo our precious sleep patterns and be willing to work variable and 'extended shifts'. We understood fully the meaning of the term 'being on 24 hour call'.

DIY was an expected skill

Handling of all assembly and product safety testing of numerous cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices and being completely responsible for the quality of the end product.

Then as our adorable little tots blossomed into full blown life sized tween and teenagers the rest of our lives became an endless emotive struggle for power with what had become 'the enemy'.

Now we had to be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, or until someone needed or wanted something. Seeking consideration for our feelings was never part of 'their' arrangement with us - we had to fully accept and understand that we would be in-dispensible one minute and a complete embarrassment the next.

Our evenings and weekends were no longer our own

No longer were we watching our favorite weekend TV shows, instead we were standing in the wind, rain, heat and freezing cold to watch netball, football, cricket, tennis and basketball in near and far away cities! Extensive courier duties were also a part of our daily routines.

Effective administration skills were a must. Phone call screening, diary and appointment management and homework, school projects, social and sports gatherings co-ordination.

Return On Our Investment (ROOI)

The oddest thing about the 'parenthood team players' is that most of us actually enjoyed it and wished we could have done more..

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays, no loan repayments and no stock options were offered;

Being a parent supplied us with limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, M&M's on toast for Mother and Fathers Day and free hugs and kisses for life if we played our cards right.

From the Parenting Team

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