The Company Xmas Party

At the best of times it is difficult to get people organized, let alone have them all be happy with everything you have to offer - hence the Company Xmas Party Dilemma.

In this day and age, because we are governed by so many 'anti-discrimination laws', coupled with the fact that our workplaces are in general terms 'a veritable league of nations', there are bound to be problems when trying to organize any sort of workplace get together.

I had a huge laugh when I read this one - this is too funny!!

The tone very quickly goes from a warm and upbeat Company Xmas invite message to  a very funny example of  'interoffice hate mail'..... what a hoot!!!

This will crack you up...Enjoy!

Company Memo

Human  Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 1, 2009

RE: Gala Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the  company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in  the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and  plenty of drinks!   We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel  free to sing along.

Don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!   A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!

Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

A Wonderful and Merry Christmas to you and your families,

Karen

Company Memo

FROM: Karen, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 2, 2009

RE: Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's Memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.  We recognize that Hanukkah is an  important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party."

The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung.  We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your families,

Karen

Company Memo

FROM: Karen, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 3, 2009

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding  the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a  non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this  request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody?

I am sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed  since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE  ALLOWED.

Company Memo

FROM: Karen, Human Resources Director

To: All Employees

DATE: October 4, 2009

RE: Generic Holiday Party

What a diverse group  we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party!  Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs.

Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy bag. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.

Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.

To the person asking  permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.

We will have booster seats for short people.

Low-fat food will  be available for those on a diet.

I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that  people with high blood pressure taste a bit first.

There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply  "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Karen

Company Memo

FROM: Karen, Human Resources Director

TO: All *%^ Employees

DATE: October 5, 2009

RE: The *%^ Holiday Party

I've had it with you vegetarian clowns!!!   We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest  from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your  *%^ salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!

The rest of you *%^ wierdos can kiss  my ass.

I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die,

The Bitch from Hell!!!

Company Memo

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

DATE: October 6, 2009

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Karen a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday   Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

Joan

Celebrate Life and...Oh Go On..Throw a Party!!

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