Birth and The Middle Wife

A teacher of some fifteen years with two kids herself absolutely swears that this is by far the funniest and best birth or Middle Wife story ever. It comes from something rather hilarious that she witnessed in her own second grade classroom a few years back.

Remembering when she was a kid how she loved show-and-tell time, she began having a couple of sessions with her own students. As she tells it, this activity has always been a great help to young children who need to get over their shyness.

Each session would see the kids in her class  bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that, and she saw no reason to place any boundaries or limitations  on them. If they wanted to lug it in to school and talk about it, they were welcome.

Image by Jerome Ware via Flickr

The Middle Wife / Birth Demonstration

One day young Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday."

"First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, when Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate all his meals in there for nine months through an umbrella cord."

As Erica stood there with her hands on the pillow, the teacher did all she could not to laugh out loud, all the while wishing she had her camcorder with her. In the meantime, all the other kids are watching her in open-mouthed and concentrated amazement.

Erica continued -

"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!" ... Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans.

"My Mom walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh,oh!" explains Erica who is now doing an absolutely hysterical duck walk while groaning.

Enter ... The 'Middle Wife'

Erica went on fervently - "My Dad called the Middle Wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on her car like the Domino's man does. The Middle Wife got my Mom to lie down in bed like this "  -  Erica then lay down with her back against the wall.

"Then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water that she kept in there (pointing to the pillow under her sweater) in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, my Dad and the Middle Wife -  like psshhheew!" -

Right around now Erica has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was just too much!

Erica continued with her story -

"Then the Middle Wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. The middle wife started counting, but she never even got past ten - all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that the Middle Wife said was from 'Mom's play-center' (placenta),  so I guess there must be a lot of toys inside there too. When he got out, the Middle Wife spanked him for crawling up in there in the first place."

Erica feeling proud and satisfied with her story telling abilities  stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.

Well after all that, our Teacher felt sure she had applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, she now takes her camcorder with her -  just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.

If you really want to know the meaning or the secret of life ... simple, ask a Second Grader, or a Middle Wife!

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Celebrate Life with a 'Middle Wife!

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Mentally Disturbed or Disturbingly Mental

Dear Diary

Just back from visiting someone ... anyway I really must remember this particular visit so that is why I am telling you all about it and about my mentally disturbed friend Edna.

Aah Dear Diary, now just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

Now in our case, this of course applies to everyone we know ...  our stable, unstable and/or mentally disturbed or, as Arthur always puts it ... our 'disturbingly mental' friends and family.

This diary note is about Ralph and Edna.  We grew up with Ralph and Edna, we were there when they graduated, then again when they got engaged (to other people) and then of course again when they became engaged and then married to each other.  I think that is when things went strangely wrong, they loved each other, but sady it appears they literally drove each other 'crazy'.

Aside from their mentally disturbed dispositions and the fact that they have both been long time patients in a very pretty and well situated mental hospital some 450 miles away...!! we think and have always thought of them of them with great affection.

So herein is the mentally disturbed tale that I tell ...

Story goes though that one day while they were walking around the mental facility swimming pool, Ralph tore off his gown, then his pajamas and with the utmost of 'gay' ... no sorry, wrong word ... wrong word ... 'enthusiastic' abandon he jumped into the deep end. In medical terms this is perhaps confirmation that Ralph was then showing no signs whatsoever of being healed from his current 'disturbingly mental condition'

Now two things are very pertinent here - 1) Ralph hated water (always had) and 2) Ralph couldn't swim!

Result? ... He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna on the other hand has not only been 'mentally disturbed' for most of her adult life, she also has what can only be described as an acutely annoying 'hero complex', oh! and as it happens, she is and always has been a surprisingly strong swimmer.  So ...  clothes and all, she just promptly jumped in to save Ralph who by this time was firmly planted face down on the bottom of the pool.

Edna confidently swam to the bottom, pulled him out, gave him CPR, firmly lifted him into a wheel chair and then with the speed of something akin to an Olympic  sprinter, she whisked him off towards the hospital's main building.

Edna hooray, is no longer mentally disturbed! ... Really?

With monotonous regularity the hero worship thing started rather quickly. It was some 3 to 4 hours later that the Head Nurse  became aware of Edna's heroic act.  Well she was so impressed at what she termed as 'Edna's obvious and miraculous recovery' - "Heaven be blessed she cried - the woman is no longer mentally disturbed and should be immediately discharged from our hospital, as clearly she is now mentally stable".

She went to tell Edna the good news, but sadly she also had some rather sad news for Edna as well.

"Edna, I have good news and bad news my dear. The good news is you are going home, you are going to be discharged.  What a hero you are Edna dear and since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping into the deep end of the swimming pool and saving the life of the person you love... I have concluded that your act displays a sound mind and you are no longer a victim of 'disturbing mental' behavior .

The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Edna stood up slowly and confidently announced,  'But, Nurse, Ralph didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry... Now ... How soon can I go home?'

So Dear Diary, sadly we have no more Ralph.  Edna on the other hand is still 'safely tucked', er ... being 'well looked after'  in that very pretty and well situated mental hospital 450 miles away  ....

So dear readers, please do your bit today by remembering all of your mentally disturbed family and  friends ... I just did my part by remembering Edna and Ralph!

If the story above made you laugh - then go ahead have another good laugh - get a load of this hilarious video below ... enjoy!!

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Great Thinkers – Fun is Not a Luxury

by Cathryn Johnson

With the recession hitting many Americans where it hurts – in their pocketbooks – spending on leisure, entertainment and fun has taken a big hit. Out-of-job families are managing their money, and the first thing that usually goes is spending on entertainment. And I have noticed that not only are my out-of-work friends cutting back on leisure spending, but they are also cutting back on fun in general. They tend to be in a more solemn mood. Friends that once sat around and light-heartedly joked with one another, tend now to be tensed and reserved. Sure they have a lot on their minds. But, giving up “fun” is not the answer. In fact, that is part of the problem. Fun is a key to success.

Being happy and having a light-hearted attitude generally attracts success. It helps one to think clearly while portraying a more friendly and approachable attitude (which helps in job interviews). In an effort to motivate, inspire and challenge us to keep having fun, despite life’s circumstances, I have compiled a list of ten quotes about the importance of fun from successful people throughout history:

People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing.

Dale Carnegie (1888 – 1955) – an American writer, lecturer and the developer of famous courses in self-improvement, salesmanship, corporate training, public speaking and interpersonal skills

It is a happy talent to know how to play.

Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 – 1882) – an American philosopher, essayist, and poet, best remembered for leading the Transcendentalist movement

I never lose sight of the fact that just being is fun.

Katharine Hepburn (1907 – 2003) – an American film, television and stage actress who holds the record for the most Best Actress Oscar wins with four

It's the game of life. Do I win or do I lose? One day they're gonna shut the game down. I gotta have as much fun and go around the board as many times as I can before it's my turn to leave.

Tupac Shakur (1971 – 1996) – an American rapper who has sold over 75 million albums worldwide

If a man insisted always on being serious, and never allowed himself a bit of fun and relaxation, he would go mad or become unstable without knowing it.

Herodotus (c. 484 BC – c. 425 BC) – an ancient Greek historian

Creative ideas flourish best in a shop which preserves some spirit of fun. Nobody is in business for fun, but that does not mean there cannot be fun in business.

Image via Wikipedia

Leo Burnett (1891 – 1971) – an advertising executive who created the Jolly Green Giant, the Marlboro Man, Toucan Sam, Charlie the Tuna, Morris the Cat, the Pillsbury Doughboy, the 7up "Spot", and Tony the Tiger

You gotta have fun. Regardless of how you look at it, we're playing a game. It's a business, it's our job, but I don't think you can do well unless you're having fun.

Derek Jeter (1974 – present) – an American professional baseball player

I never did a day's work in my life. It was all fun.

Thomas A. Edison (1847 – 1931) – an American inventor, scientist, and businessman who developed many devices including the phonograph, the motion picture camera, and a long-lasting, practical electric light bulb.

Have fun in your command. Don't always run at a breakneck pace. Take leave when you've earned it, spend time with your families.

Colin Powell (1937 – present) – an American statesman and a retired four-star general in the United States Army

Fun is good.

Theodor Geisel (1904 – 1991) – an American writer and cartoonist most widely known for his children's books written under the pen names Dr. Seuss, Theo. LeSieg and, in one case, Rosetta Stone

Cathryn Johnson is a content writer for Online MBA Rankings who gives advice on the education, pursuing an online mba and living a healthy life.

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Dear Diary - Flatulence, Shooting Ducks and an iPod!

Dear Diary ....

Now I know that you are wondering what on earth flatulence could have to do with shooting ducks and an iPod, but just stay with me on this, please ...

Found myself at lunch with with two 'old' friends, Cate and Ann, last week and I must say,  aside from the fact that they clearly are looking and behaving their age,  both girls were in fine form.  Now although we had a bit of a late start (took us a while to find each other - a little mix up again on which restaurant we were supposed to be going to) we had a splendid time until Cate's very obvious flatulence problem had her shooting ducks and this time in time with music she was listening to on her iPod!

Unfortunately though,  I suspect it might be sometime before we will be welcome to lunch there again.

Lately Cate has taken to constantly listening to her iPod, a recent present from her grand-daughter.

Frankly in my opinion I see the whole matter as a clear case of raw 'discrimination'.  I mean who in their right cotton-pickin mind could possibly believe that a 'mature age women' would even contemplate passing wind for fun and amusement or simply to annoy other people ...  RIGHT SMACK IN THE MIDDLE OF LUNCH,  AND IN A FLIPPING RESTAURANT AT THAT!!!!!?????

Now really, what happened was innocent enough - Ann and I excused ourselves to visit the 'ladies room' - Cate did not want to come along and opted to remain at the table, turn up the sound on her iPod and have a quick listen to her favorite rendition of Pavarotti doing  'Nessun Dorma'. When we returned to the table not only was there a distinct and bad odor in the air, but 'all hell was raging' around Cate as well.

As Cate tells it - while enjoying the song on her iPod she suddenly and desperately needed to pass wind (she does suffer terribly with flatulence the poor dear). Unfortunately for Cate, she plumb forgot she was actually listening to her iPod and thought that as the music was really, really loud,  she could time her pump offs with the beat of the music and no-one would be any the wiser.

Well next thing she knew here she was right smack in the middle of her now embarrassing and unanticipated '15 minutes of flatulence fame' surrounded by an angry young restaurant manager, his bevvy of under 21 year old wait staff and 5 or 6 unintelligible diners!

Now,   I clearly remember both my parents (in their later years) and grandparents regularly 'shooting ducks' and sounding something akin to 'kids backyard pop guns' as they moved about the house.   I mean isn't this flatulence and shooting ducks phenomena something that not only happens involuntarily but very naturally with age?  Of course trying to explain these, what I like to call 'fart facts' to a wet behind the ears restaurant manager and his staff somehow seemed only to be causing us more grief.

Oh dear me dear diary, then ... Ann using her usual annoying 'counsel for the defense' imitation only made matters worse when she climbed (and mind you this is not at all a good look for Ann either) onto a chair and announced that 'Cate's only crime was that she had innocently forgotten she was listening to the music on her iPod and where she was (anyone her age does that all the time, right!) and that is how she came to be so freely and loudly 'SHOOTING DUCKS' in the middle of the restaurant.

Of course 99.9% of the people in the restaurant had no idea what on earth Ann was on about or what the term shooting ducks means. When the manager reached up to grab Ann and pull her off the chair she promptly kneed him on the chin ... knocking him out cold!

Before you could say 'flatulence, shooting ducks and an iPod' a diner who just happened to be a police officer had marched Ann out of the establishment and into a waiting police car.  Apparently on the way to the police station Ann managed to 'tick the officer off' rather badly when he inquired as to what on earth 'shooting ducks' meant ... and ... she gave him her best and loudest 'flatulence demonstration' right there in the enclosed vehicle!

Perhaps this is the universes way of telling us it is time to start having lunch at home where many enjoyable moments can be spent giving into to natures flatulence demands, listening to an iPod and shooting ducks!

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Annoying cat behavior and the moggy with a

mind of its own!

Do I agree with this statement above - Annoying Cat Behavior? Hardly! Well to be fair,  its the word 'mind' that I question.  Don't get me wrong, I am an avid cat (Moggy) lover, but you have to ask yourself if these sometimes annoying cat friends of ours have any brains at all with some of the things they do ... like playing in toilet bowls, chasing their own shadows, freaking out at the sight of their own shadows, getting stuck in fish bowls, to name a few.

A frequent complaint from owners (myself included) of  annoying felines is about their ability to switch you off  and out of their world and space in a  furry purry instant, and then ... not only will they set about to completely ignore you, they develop this snooty  'oh phuleeese, not now' attitude to boot!

So Why Did Most Of Us Get Ourselves An Annoying Cat In

The First Place?

Let me ask you this, did you invest in this 'highly opinionated fur ball' just so it could lay around on your best jumper, suit, leather lounge etc all day and deposit furry calling cards especially for you?

Or, perhaps you just plain luv 'em anyway!  Maybe you inherited the cat from a relative or someone who secretly did not like you ...??? Or maybe the kids wanted an annoying cat and you knew they would hold their breath till they turned blue if you did not agree! ... Questions, questions, questions and all about the same annoying subject - 'annoying cat behavior'.

Aha, OR ... was it because someone told you if you had a cat ... YOU WOULD NEVER, EVER, EVER ....EVER.... HAVE MICE!!!

Yes ... that was it, wasn't it? Yes of course, and that dear readers,  is exactly the reason that this unsuspecting, feline loving, annoying cat loving person made their decision .... AND ...

LOOK WHAT HAPPENED .... could this not truly be considered as a classic example of ....'Annoying Cat Behavior'

So, what indeed was the end result for this poor misguided 'moggy'?  I guess he should have seen it coming ....

FOR  SALE  :

One  'Totally Useless and Annoying Cat'

Celebrate Life With One Enormous .... Purrrrrr!!

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Mark A Cella - The Greatest Man To Have

Ever Lived

by Mark A Cella

I only met Mark A Cella once and this is what i discovered...

On Careers: Find out what it is in life that you don't do well, and then don't do that thing.

On Rollerblading: Uh NO.

On Life: It's never to early to start beefing up your obituary.

On the Two-Party System: The after party is the one you want to attend.

Even his enemies list him as their emergency contact number.

He never says something tastes like chicken, not even chicken.

Alien abductors have asked him to probe them.

If he were to give you directions, you'd never get lost and you'd arrive at least five minutes early.

His legend precedes him, the way lightning precedes thunder.

Mark A. Cella has amassed an incredibly large DVD library, and it is said that he never once alphabetized it.

He could disarm you with his looks, or his hands, either way.

He can speak French in Russian. The ingredients of his tacos refuse to fall from the shell.

If he says it will cost an arm and a leg, it will.

See those nuts, they're there to make us thirsty, while I don't like being coerced, in this case I shall make an exception.

The things you have heard about me are all true... It is true that I lived in a cave one summer in the hills of the Serengeti after being gifted a wife by a local tribe leader.

Image by Darwin Bell via Flickr

It is true that I owned three sports cars and that I wrecked five, and that I taught a horse to read my email for me.

He lives by the motto "safety third."

His blood smells like cologne. His hands feel like rich brown suede.

In my opinion ...

Mark A Cella is the Greatest, or Most Interesting Man to

Have Ever Lived.

Looking for more fun and adventure check out
(http://www.mark-cella.com) Mark A. Cella, and come back again to www.Mark-Cella.com to find the latest adventures of the Greatest Man to Ever Live, (http://www.mark-cella.com) Mark A Cella.

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Julia Gillard PM - Joke File #1

Darn - I have to say I am in a way a little thrown at the fact that K Rudd has been so rudely taken from us and replaced with the brand spanking new, stern faced but equally attractive (!?!?) red-headed Julia Gillard PM.

I was just getting some pretty good material ready to be drip-fed onto Daily Screw-Ups for my K Rudd joke of the week/day/year - and bingo, before you could say 'red-head' ... K Rudd was gone!

Anyway seems Julia is going to be just as much fun to spend time laughing at, as was our Kev baby, and this little quip squarely gives us the confidence to say that ...

Oh,  and let us know not only your thoughts on Julia but any jokes you would like to share with us as well...

Now, go ahead and enjoy our #1 Julia Gillard PM joke !  ...

Image via Wikipedia

Seems Julia Gillard PM decided to do something for local (Canberra) industry.   Dutifully she announced that  she and her cabinet would begin by frequenting the local Canberra McDonalds (the one just down the road from her office at Parliament House) by having lunch there a couple of times a week.

But, oh for shame - our Ms Gillard was flatly refused entry ...  WHY?

Well, McDonalds were reported to have told Julia Gillard PM that -

'they were refusing her entry based on the fact that' ... and get this ...

'McDonalds already has a red-headed clown' ...

.... LOL!!

Celebrate with a Red Head!

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KRudd and Uncle Remus Rudd - ‘Political Spin’

No matter what side of the AISLE you're on, THIS is FUNNY and VERY telling! It just all depends on how you look at some things.

Judy Rudd an amateur genealogy researcher in Southern Queensland, was doing some personal work on her own family tree. She discovered that  our then Prime Minister,  Kevin Rudd’s great-great uncle, Remus Rudd, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Melbourne in 1889.

Note: Both Judy and Kevin Rudd share this common ancestor.

This is the only known photograph of Remus showing him standing on the gallows at the Melbourne Gaol:

On the back of the picture Judy obtained during her research is this inscription:

'Remus Rudd horse thief, sent to Melbourne Gaol 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the Melbourne-Geelong train six times. Caught by Victoria Police Force, convicted and hanged in 1889.'

So Judy e-mailed our then Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd for information about their great-great uncle. Remus Rudd:

Believe it or not, Kevin Rudd's staff sent back the following biographical sketch for her genealogy research:

"Remus Rudd was famous in Victoria during the mid to late 1800s . His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Melbourne-Geelong Railroad.

Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to government service, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad.

In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the Victoria Police Force. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed."

NOW That's how it's done, Folks!

That's real POLITICAL SPIN and it’s alive and thriving in political circles everywhere.

Celebrate Life ... Somehow!!

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STUDY ON MEN AND MENSTRUATING WOMEN

It never ceases to amaze me how many studies have been,  and still are, conducted on the subject of Men, Women and the lively and fun effects that Menstruating has on their relationship!

I ask you, has anyone really come up with any 'real' solutions, or for that matter any real suggestions for men on just how they  can 'safely' navigate through this most dangerous of periods and live to tell the tale?

If you were to raise this issue with any woman (preferably not one currently  'menstruating') by asking  if she felt there was truly any need for these types of studies - she no doubt would tell you that it is 'men' who have the problem really - not us women!

Then!  ... Lo and behold, this morning this study worth sharing with friends both male and female made its way into my in-box .... enjoy!

Image by Thomas Hawk via Flickr

A recent study on 'menstruating women' was conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry.  What this study has revealed is that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her 'menstrual cycle'.

For example: if she is ovulating, she is more than likely going to be attracted to men with strong, rugged and masculine features.

On the other hand: if she is menstruating or menopausal, she will tend to be more attracted to a man with thick,  strong duct tape over his mouth, a particularly jagged spear lodged in his chest and a broad if not splintered bat up his butt while he is on fire.

It has been confirmed that no further studies are expected to be conducted on this subject ...

I think that kind of settles it, don't you ladies?

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A Corporate Comedian As A Corporate Advisor?

by Erin Garcia

A Corporate Comedian can bring not just laughter for an office function. She can actually guarantee the wellness of the actual employee as well as the wellness of the business.

She could actually be treated just like a consultant for the organization simply because of the good stuff that she could bring. On the scientific front, laughter produces good health. Whenever a particular person laughs, chemical compounds called endorphins are discharged. These would be the exact same chemical substances triggered in response to sexual arousal. They help to make an individual feel good, relieving tension and indirectly lowering a person's threats of enduring heart disease and other health problems.

Laughing calms facial muscles that can grow to be really tight specifically on extended working days. Plenty of laughter creates laugh lines within a person's face, providing the person a kindly appearance, as opposed to wrinkles and creases brought on by tension, unhappiness and difficulty, which mature a person and give him or her a tough and furious look. This fact is important in forming first impressions, which may play a role in others' approval of a person. It may even have an effect on a career interview or working relationships; human beings are from time to time superficial creatures and might suppose that a particular person who appears grouchy is actually grouchy.

Humor plus playful conversation strengthen our interactions by triggering good emotions and fostering mental connection.
When we laugh together with one another, an optimistic bond is established. This relationship behaves as a powerful load against stress, disagreements, and frustration. Laughing along with others is more powerful than laughing alone.
Shared laughter is among the more effective tools for maintaining interactions clean and exciting. Just about all emotional sharing develops strong and lasting connection bonds, but sharing laughter and play provides joy, vigor, plus strength. And laughter is a powerful way to cure problems, disagreements, and hurts. Laughter unites people during trying times.

Mutual laughter and play are usually an important element of powerful, wholesome human relationships. By making an effort to include more laughter and play into your daily relationships, you can enhance the quality of your interactions with co-workers, members of the family, as well as friends. Laughter connects us together with others. Also, laughter is infectious, therefore if you provide more fun straight into your own life, you can probably support other people around you to chuckle more, and understand these benefits as well. By elevating the feelings of those around you, you may reduce their stress levels, and perhaps boost the quality of social connection you have together, lowering your stress levels even more and having work a lot more enjoyable.

A Corporate Comedian is really beneficial for the employee as well as the company. It is very important to chuckle, but additionally to keep in mind that we should laugh for the right reasons as well as in the right situations. No matter how funny a sensitive issue might seem to a particular person, it is probably smarter to control one's laughter and to have a secret chuckle. Laughing at oneself, on the other hand, is an endearing trait which lets a person take himself less seriously. The significance of laughter is immense.

A sexy but relaxed (http://www.ellyndaniels.com) corporate comedian is really hard to get! Anybody wishes for someone that tends to make them chuckle and look great at the same time. No more than the highest quality
(http://www.youtube.com/ellynedaniels) corporate comedian will do the action!

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5 iPhone Apps for the Practical Joker

By Louise Baker

iFart
This whoopee cushion application is perhaps the most well-known of the practical joke applications. For only 99 cents, about the cost of a real whoopee cushion, you can have a digital version to take with you anywhere. But even better than the rubber version, the iPhone app requires no air to blow it up, and it is much more difficult to spot. You can set your phone right on the table and no one will ever suspect it.

AudioMicro
This sound effect generator application is a great tool for a variety of practical jokes. Because this app was created for professional sound effects purposes, you can generate real-sounding gunfire with just the touch of a button. AudioMicro has over 500 effects, so you can use it again and again to cause a commotion.

A-MA-ZING
This app is essentially an iPhone version of a classic email practical joke where recipients are told to stare at their screens to see an eye trick, and a scary face pops out to surprise them. A-MA-ZING looks like a basic maze for your friends to solve, but while their eyes are intent on the screen, you can program the app to display the same scary face trick or you can Rick-roll them! The app will play the "Never Gonna Give You Up" video by Rick Astley for a great practical joke.

Prankboard: Mr. Rogers
In the old days, prank calls starting with “Is your refrigerator running?” were at the height of creativity. But with caller ID, pulling off a successful prank call is much more difficult. Prankboard: Mr. Rogers does the work of disguising your voice for you, so you won’t give yourself away. The best part is that this app uses a pre-recorded voice so you sound just like the late children’s television star Mr. Rogers.

Pranktionary
While the four previous applications are one-time deals unless your friends are extremely gullible and will fall for them twice, Pranktionary offers an abundance of practical joking ideas. This app gives you different suggestions for traditional jokes and some more creative ideas, along with the tools to do them. Imagine the confusion and frustration of your friends when you tap your phone against theirs and they are suddenly unable to answer calls!

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A Healthy Life Owing To Funny Comedians

by Erin Garcia

Funny Comedians are great for one's heart. There is no doubt about it. The reason being a tummy laugh is comparable to an internal jogging. Laughter can provide good cardiac conditioning specifically for individuals who are unable to carry out physical workouts. The additional benefits of a great laugh from comedians can be observed in the following sentences. Laughter is the greatest medicine.

Perhaps, you've observed this a lot of times before but might be still not really convinced enough to adopt the path to laughing out loud. If yes, then it's high time you acquaint yourself with a number of the benefits of laughter.
The very first and foremost benefit of laughter is that it helps promote typical fitness. It is due to this, that a number of yoga exercise poses incorporate laughter. There are many experiments and reports that opine that laughter could improve your quality of life in not just one method.
It increases the moving of blood, boosts the flow of air and boosts your immunity system. As a consequence, your overall wellness is bound to improve.

Belly laugh results in muscle tissue relaxation. As you chuckle, the particular muscles that don't participate in the belly laugh, calms. Once you finish laughing those muscle groups involved in the laughter begin to rest.
Regular belly laughter empties your own lung area of more air when compared with what it takes in resulting in a cleaning consequence similar to heavy breathing. It is specifically beneficial for patients that are suffering from emphysema as well as other respiratory system disorders.
Don't let any scenario make you feel down in the dumps. Just about all may be well fixed by using laughter plainly.
Laughter could stimulate creation of feel great hormones much better called endorphins in the particular human body.

This ensures that you are feeling healthy regardless of the odds you might be battling otherwise in everyday life.
Laughter is definitely an emotion which makes us really feel happy. When we're happy, we feel a sense of contentment.
Stress and bad feelings diminish as we laugh in several forms, be it a giggle, chuckle, or full on belly laugh.
These laughing variations are great for all around health in our everyday lives. Laughter brings in positive feelings which could enhance traditional treatments. Experts think that, when employed as an adjunct to traditional treatment, laughter can reduce ache and aid the healing process. To begin with, laughter provides a powerful diversion from pain.

Funny Comedians are best enjoyed when shared together with someone. When you're with others, bringing laughter in the conversation could help dissipate the tension and awkwardness and will improve trust. Have you ever been together with a number of people you didn't know and one of them stated something humorous which made the whole group chuckle? You can actually feel the anxiety drift out.
Vigorous laughter produces chemical substances in the brain which improve your inspiration and cause you to feel better.
It acts as an anti-depressant. If you are feeling disheartened or disappointed, rather than having to worry, think about enjoying a funny comedian. You cannot worry and laugh at the same time.

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Doctor Funny Comedian Can Heal You

by Erin Garcia

A Funny Comedian as your doctor? This might appear, excuse the particular pun, funny, but there is some reality for it.
If the comic is really good, she will make you guffaw real hard. This is when the health advantages come in. Study results indicate that, right after exposure to laughter, there's a general rise in actions within the immune system.
Specifically it demonstrated that laughing out loud elevated the number and activity level of the particular normal killer cells designed to attack bad cells like most cancers.
Furthermore, it elevated the particular antibody which combats upper respiratory tract infections. Furthermore, this elevated the levels of gamma interferon, a protein which activates various aspects of the immunity process.

The final results of the study also reinforced investigation showing a general decline in anxiety hormones that tighten blood vessels and suppress defense activity. They were proven to reduce within the study group exposed to laughter.
Research has discovered that just anticipating laughter can provide actual physical rewards. Many people in the study were advised three days ahead of time they were going to be presented a humorous film. Before the movie actually began, blood sucked from these people revealed they by now had a 27% increase in the body's hormones called beta-endorphins.

Beta-endorphins are potent, but natural, pain suppressants.
Humor allows an individual to forget regarding aches and pains such as cramps, arthritis, and so on. Quite surprisingly, laugher can trim down blood pressure levels too. Many studies have proved that people battling with blood pressure laugh extremely rarely. Almost always anxiety is the top cause of health issues such as high blood pressure. This is when laughter comes for your assistance.
This assuages stress which in turn regularizes the blood pressure level readings to a great degree. Have a glowing and healthy skin color by laughing a lot more.

The more you laugh, the happier you often become from within, which shows on your skin as well. Laughing assures adequate source of air and bloodstream to the face which may contribute to a glowing and gorgeous complexion. Therefore, chuckle much more and you may effortlessly display your perfect complexion. Nevertheless, you can't rely on laughter and then resolve skin woes such as zits. For this, you have to apply successful acne remedy items like clear pores face defense program.

A Funny Comedian doesn't only help repair your body, she can fix lots of things. Laughter is also a great way to reduce discord inside your relationships. When you are getting into a heated discussion along with your co-worker, try throwing in some light-hearted laughter. It will be difficult for you to keep mad at each other when you are both laughing.
Instead of losing time being upset when you commit a mistake, learn how to laugh at yourself. This helps increase your confidence levels and can aid you in living a more balanced life. You may make laughter a part of your daily lifestyle by watching funny shows, reading through funny books, getting around people who help make you laugh or playing funny games with the family. Frequent rounds of hearty laughter can help you live longer, fight depression, develop self-confidence and improve your interactions. You can transform your life today, by making laughter a part of your everyday routine.

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A Standup Comedian Each Day Keep The Doctor At Bay

by Erin Garcia

A Standup Comedian is like a physician. She will help keep your body healthy simply by making you laugh. Laughing is not just associated with facial expressions. It brings about numerous chemical substance changes within the body. Great hearty laughter helps release nutrients and human hormones that are great for normal functioning of different internal organs. This is due to a connection between laughing and stimulation of brain and different glands. Laughter promotes your body to release normal antihistamines. Additionally, it activates T-cells, a natural antibiotic produced in the body. It helps boost the immunity process and combat contamination. It prevents a number of diseases by strengthening the immune system.

New scientific studies into the mysteries of the human body's incredible ability to cure itself are spinning up some unexpected theories. Recent studies by the Journal of the American Medical Association have shown a drastic difference among the general well-being and health of people who have a great vigorous laugh frequently, and the ones who do not share a similar sense of laughter. It would appear that under a chemical evaluation from the blood stream and the electro-chemical signals from the brain, that the action of laughing secretes a powerful cocktail of excellent hormones, cellular material and nutrients which benefit various organs and functions of the entire body.

This particular release is the result of a mysterious link in between laughing and also the arousal with the brain and a variety of glands. Within the study conducted by the particular Journal it was found that laughing produces an all natural antihistamine produced by the body. Under clinical studies a vast group of women and men who experienced allergic reactions were exposed to the allergens that triggered their allergic reactions. The identical group was afterwards shown a 90 minute comedy movie while getting subjected to exactly the same allergens. Amazingly each and every subject experienced much less serious or milder allergic reactions towards the triggers when compared with what they got without the comedy stimulation.

Laughing does a lot more for you when compared to a massage or perhaps a warm bath could do. It's not hard to do. It'll only take some listening in from you. It's also free, and this is exactly what people mean when they point out the greatest things in life are free of charge. You have to pay nothing to chuckle, yet the benefits last a life span and do not have to be reviewed. Seeing others giggle has a great result also, unless you are the coldest person on earth.

A Standup Comedian is absolutely good for your health.
Assuming this is not true; other peoples' laughs can motivate you and perk you up, even if you do not know those who are laughing. This is one thing you will want to get from others. Life could be more pleasant if we chuckle often. Make everything become humorous. Now I will show you the secret behind laughing. Laughing is a way for us for long life. The fact is laughing keeps us away from stress.
Connect with old pals and share regarding a humorous story.

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No wonder they were called The Good Old Days!!

When you were growing up, how many times did you hear your parents (if you are a baby boomer … or older!!) utter those immortal words ‘The Good Old Days!!

Did you ever wonder just exactly what they were alluding to?  I did, for the life of me I could not imagine for one crazy second why they would think that things were better when ‘they’ were growing up.

In fact I clearly remember the passion behind the voices of my grand and great grandparents when they felt the need to remind my parents and I that ‘their good old days’ were far better and a whole lot more meaningful.

Well, the cat is now well and truly out of the bag…  In fact it is somewhat questionable or perhaps at least amazing that Coca-Cola does not get a mention here, as in the ‘Good Old Days’ it was sold from Apothecaries (Pharmacists) ....

If you do your research (as Arthur did) on exactly what it was that precipitated their persistent howling about ‘The Good Old Days’ it all makes great reading ... overdoses were common ... apparently they had to create blue colored bottles so that people would not swallow the wrong product! … before that Sulphuric Aid death was common to the wealthy ... murder, never!

So Just Exactly Why Were Our Parents, Grand and Great-Grandparents Happier Than We Are... well just check this out!

A long-time and popular favorite - Bayer’s Heroin

A bottle of Bayer's heroin. Between 1890 and 1910 heroin was sold as a non-addictive substitute for morphine. It was also used to treat children with strong cough - dear lord!!

Metcalf Coca Wine was one of a huge variety of wines on the market with cocaine as a main ingredient. Apparently it was believed that it would make you happy as well as being an excellent and popular medicinal treatment for a variety of ills.

Produced by Maltine Manufacturing Company of New York, Mariani Wine (1875) was the most famous Coca Wine of it's time.

Pope Leo XIII used to carry one bottle with him all the time. He awarded Angelo Mariani (the producer) with a Vatican gold medal. Good heavens were the Pope and the rest of the Vatican staff really ‘high as kites’ most of the time??

It was suggested that a full glass be taken with or after every meal ... Oh, and it seems children should only be given half a glass. Oh dear heavens! … seems the whole family in a fun and inebriated  state was not considered proper.

Just in case you forgot the name of that fabulous cure-all,  they even designed this paper weight promoting C.F. Boehringer & Soehne ( Mannheim , Germany).

Seems they were pretty proud of being the biggest producers in the world of products containing Quinine and Cocaine and felt this was the best way to prove it.

Seems that Asthmatics had their very own brand of ‘fun-time’ medicinal fixes too.

If you had toothache you were really in for quite a trip, but not to the dentist … enter, Cocaine drops for toothache.

Very popular for children in 1885. Not only did they relieve the pain, they made the children extremely happy!

"cocainefortoothache"

Our parents and grandparents talked about how as babies we were NO TROUBLE AT ALL, hell we slept through everything … Well why wouldn’t we when a most popular elixir was -

'Opium for new-borns'.

I'm sure this would have made babies sleep well (not only the Opium, but 46% alcohol!) That's 92 proof!  Do you realize that most of our spirits (gin, vodka, scotch, etc.) are 80 proof!

No wonder they were called The Good Old Days!!

Celebrate 'The Good Old Days'

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