The Irish It Seems - Are Still Joking Around !

A twice removed and it seems a thousand times sobered up relative of ours, made this very statement over a frothy Guiness or ten at a recent family and friends of the Irish clan get together.

He said, heartily ... "It is just as well that the Irish blood that we have in our veins permits us to laugh at ourselves, otherwise what a 'bland and dull place' the world would truly be!"

Then someone, who was not remotely Irish saw this as an opportunity to share some Irish fun poking whereupon our far distant twice removed, thousand time sobered up relative lost his cool and his 'sense of humor' and proceeded to return the world to that 'bland and dull place' by aiming, then throwing and finally nicely landing the rice pudding into the face of the 'non-Irish blooded blasphemer' ... !!!

Oh dear Lord, thank heavens it does not run in the family - or does it?! Mmmm! perhaps just a weak Irish moment ... who knows, but I laughed at the jokes and at the rice pudding throwing!

Watch for the last one, that is the 'Irish Joke' that 'broke the Guiness bearing

camels back' ... as it were!! ... LOL

Enjoy!!

An Irish priest was transferred to  Ballina Catholic  Church Father O'Malley rose from his bed one fine spring morning.

He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.  He then noticed there was a Donkey lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.

Not knowing who else to call, he promptly called the local police station.

The conversation went like this:

''Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day ter yer good self. This is Father O'Malley at St. Francis Xavier Catholic Church. There's a Donkey lying dead right in der middle of me front lawn."

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment and then Father O'Malley replied:

"Ah, to be sure, that is true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin."

An old Irish nun who was living in a convent next to a construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways.

She decided she would take her lunch, sit with the workers and talk with them.

She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating.

She walked up to the group and with a big smile said:

"Do any of yer know Jesus ?" They shook their heads and looked at each other very confused.

One of the workers looked up into the steelworks and yelled out, "Anybody up there know Jesus?"

One of the steelworkers yelled down 'why'?

The worker yelled back, "Cos his wife's here with his lunch"

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me.   If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said, "I do, Father."

The priest said,  "Then stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.

"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."

The priest said, "I don't believe this.   You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes.   I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

Paddy was in New York .

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing.   The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians."   Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, "Pedestrians!" for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died.   He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.

"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney.   "Where are ye callin' from?"

And, finally the Irish Joke that earned

'the non-Irish Blooded Blasphemer' the Rice Pudding Award ...

Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy.   He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step.   As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump.   A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding.   He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Mary staring at him from across the room.

She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"

Flynn said, "Why you say such a mean thing?"

"Well," Mary said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

And, if you happen to strike a not so 'jovial and hearty Irishman' when telling these jokes, then may the luck of the Irish be with you and ... most of all ... REMEMBER TO DUCK!

Celebrate Irish Humor and Rice Pudding .. always in the right order!!

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