Company Xmas Party Dilemma!
The Company Xmas Party
At the best of times it is difficult to get people organized, let alone have them all be happy with everything you have to offer - hence the Company Xmas Party Dilemma.
- Image by ex.libris via Flickr
In this day and age, because we are governed by so many 'anti-discrimination laws', coupled with the fact that our workplaces are in general terms 'a veritable league of nations', there are bound to be problems when trying to organize any sort of workplace get together.
I had a huge laugh when I read this one - this is too funny!!
The tone very quickly goes from a warm and upbeat Company Xmas invite message to a very funny example of 'interoffice hate mail'..... what a hoot!!!
This will crack you up...Enjoy!
Company Memo
Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2009
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along.
Don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
A Wonderful and Merry Christmas to you and your families,
Karen
Company Memo
FROM: Karen, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2009
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's Memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party."
The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your families,
Karen
Company Memo
FROM: Karen, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2009
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
I am sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Company Memo
FROM: Karen, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2009
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs.
Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy bag. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bit first.
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Karen
Company Memo
FROM: Karen, Human Resources Director
TO: All *%^ Employees
DATE: October 5, 2009
RE: The *%^ Holiday Party
I've had it with you vegetarian clowns!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your *%^ salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you *%^ wierdos can kiss my ass.
I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The Bitch from Hell!!!
Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 6, 2009
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Karen a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!
Joan
Celebrate Life and...Oh Go On..Throw a Party!!
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HI,
This is really a nice thing to know about the parties and i am really very much impressed to know about it. I like your post and truly speaking that it is an interesting post.
Anyways keep it up and keep continue with your valuable thoughts.
Thank you Nansi…thank you I will.
Cheers
Lorrette
I like cookies and milk.
Good on you Jay…most guys do
Cheers
Lorrette
It is really funny and this sometimes is exactly what happens.
Wow, that deteriorated pretty quickly
On an only partially related topic, my friends-wifes job had always had a Christmas party, but I guess because of the economy they decided not to do one this year. So, the employees ended up organizing one themselves and held it at the company after work yesterday. For them it really was about showing that they cared about each other and not so much about the actual religious aspect of it. Wish more people could see it that way.
Right on Henry and I totally agree with you. Anyway I am pleased to hear that your wife’s business party was enjoyable. All the best..and enjoy good things always..
Lorrette
Funny, but in many ways a serious point. I know here in the UK some Christmas traditions haven’t gone ahead because people of other faiths might be offended. The question is if I go to a muslim country do they cancel Ramadam? No they don’t. And would I be offended? Of course I wouldn’t. I don’t think anyone is actually offended by Christmas, I just think we worry about them being offended.
Anders @ Civil Partnership Solicitors´s last blog ..David Allison on BBC Politics Show
Anders, I share many of your views on this – and yes, I agree we do worry too much instead of just being ‘natural’ and being our selves. Thank you for your thoughts and for visiting us.
Cheers
Lorrette