New Illness Baffles Authorities

Written by Lorrette 7 Comments
Last Updated:: August 21, 2009

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: Image by Brendio via Flickr

by Blaine Michaels

Following the events that took place the night of August 9, 2009 in Canton, Ohio it has come to light that an epidemic is spreading across the United States at an alarming rate.

There is no known cure for this disease that has been described as a fever. Top health officials are in meetings but feel the outlook is bleak.

The disease has been temporarily labeled "Pigskin Fever". Most of the symptoms are still unknown, but early signs of the disease include symptoms such as the painting of one's face in team's colors, loud noises, colored hair, and more.

Those inflicted with the illness supposedly insist upon spending Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and once in a while, Thursday, spending as much time in front of the television as they possibly can while watching football in an effort to control their symptoms.

One inflicted victim ("Bob") described the situation to us. While he had spent most of the summer casually watching NASCAR and baseball, he suddenly changed the station to his local FOX channel and before he knew it, he found himself suited up in a football uniform with his face painted.

Now, his neighbors are all on alert Aside from all of the ornaments he's littered his front yard with, he found a neighbor carrying a crate of oranges to his door, tackled him, took the oranges, and ran them back to his house across the street before dancing in celebration.

While many will be concerned with trying to get their fill to feed the fever the CDC reports that within one month there will be football in full swing at every level and those affected by this disease should be able to find comfort. If the fever becomes uncontrollable it has been noted that by joining 100,000 or more at any of the major universities in the country will bring immediate relief.

Even the government has been infected with this illness. And happily. They believe the good outweighs the bad, and recommends that anyone without it spends time with someone infected in the hopes of catching it themselves.

Having said all that, football is back! I'm one happy man for it!

If you think you might be infected with these symptoms, we would urge you to head immediately to the (http://rootzoo.com/threads/browse/NFL-Football) NFL forum at RootZoo Sports, where you can answer over 55,000 (http://rootzoo.com/trivia) NFL trivia questions, play football pick em games, and more.