Hilarious Letter : Police Infringement Notice

Some people really do just have the 'gift of the gab' when it comes to writing letters.

In particular, I love letters of complaint and denial that portray so colorfully complete and utter unbelievable amazement, at the utterly unbelievable stupidity, demonstrated by some government servants.

This little gem was sent to me some time ago and it is a 'classic'.

Funny as!! - If you have had anything similar happen to you or to someone you know, hey please share it with us - let us feature your story here on DSU for all to enjoy.

After receiving an Infringement Notice from the NZ Police Department, this guy responded by sending them this hilarious, but very, very real letter - soon after which he received a reply informing him that :

'after careful consideration of his comments and the circumstances surrounding the issue of the notice, it had been decided that he was no longer required to pay the infringement fee'

This letter has been written exactly as we received it. Obviously, for privacy and security reasons we have not disclosed any names and addresses. .....enjoy, this is just too funny!!

JL
Auckland

27 January 2004

New Zealand Police
Infringement Bureau
Wellington NZ

Good Morning,

INFRINGEMENT NOTICE N3735700

Yesterday, I was presented with the above infringement notice (copy attached for your records) while returning home from the Parachute Music Festival at Mystery Creek near Hamilton over the long Auckland anniversary weekend.  I had a most excellent weekend, but that is not why I'm writing to you at this time.  Unfortunately, there are a couple of irregularities with the infringement notice that are causing me some consternation and hopefully you can clear them up or, preferably, forget about the whole thing entirely.

Firstly, the 'date of the offence' is listed as the 23rd of June 1974 with the time being at or around half past six in the evening.  This is of grave concern because I was not issued a drivers license until sometime in 1990 and I have no desire to be charged with driving while not legally licensed.  I do not have a clear recollection of very much at all before I was three and a half years old, so I rang Mum to see if she remembered what I was doing on that day.  She said that - coincidentally - I was born on that day!!

Mum, mentioned that I was born at around five o'clock in the evening on that day in Porirua, which is not far from Wellington.  She also said Porirua was a bustling suburb of young, low-income earning people who were trying to get ahead.  Back in the 80's people were coming to terms with oil shocks, high-inflation and wage freezes, but that's not important right now.

For me to have travelled from Porirua to the foot of the Bombay Hills just out of Auckland by six thirty, I would had to have crawled into the first car in the hospital parking lot and headed for Auckland at around 1,000km/h.  For this reason, it is entirely possible that the constable who clocked me back in 1974 was holding his laser equipment upside down and instead of doing 116 km/h as per the infringement notice, it is more likely that I was doing  911 km/h.

This is where it starts getting really strange.  The car that I must have crawled into had the same license plate  as the one I have now - (according to the infringement notice).  However, my car is a dark grey Nissan Bluebird SSS, with dual cup holders, 1800cc's of grunt, air-conditioning and electric windows.  You will notice that a time-travel option is not included on this model, so that rules out any 'Back to the Future' issues and the car I was driving back then could not have been the one I drive today.

This is clarified by the infringement notice which states that the vehicle was a Honda saloon.  How this relates to my Nissan Bluebird, I cannot fathom.  I can only hypothesise that, back in 1974 the first range proto-type Hondas had an automated number plate mechanism (like on the A Team) which were used to avoid parking tickets  and facilitate safer getaways from burglaries, armed hold-ups and the like.

So to recap, it appears that on my birth day on June 23rd 1974, I crawled out of the maternity ward, hijacked a seriously high powered Honda saloon with an automated number plate changing mechanism, drove to Auckland at close to Mach 1, was pulled over approaching the Bombay Hills and unwittingly changed the automated number plate changing mechanism to show the same number as a car I would come to own almost thirty years later!! (The chance of selecting the same number plate is a mere 1 in 308,915,776 - so quite inconceivable).

I am currently residing at the address listed at the top of this letter.  I expect you will want to apprehend me fairly shortly now that we've established that I may have committed the following offences:

- Grand Theft Auto (I probably stole the Honda as my parents drove a white Ford Cortina at that stage)

- Driving without a license

- Driving at ludicrous speed using a motor vehicle

- Evading the law using an automated number plate changing mechanism

If you could provide a clearer indication as to why the 'date of offence' is the same as my birth day, and why the vehicle make and type bears no resemblance to the number plate listed on the infringement notice, it would be appreciated.  Mind you, I wouldn't be too disappointed if we agreed to let this one go.  I could really use the $120 as I'm lowering my Nissan, installing an excessively noisy waste-gate and boring it our for better performance in the street drags down Te Irirangi drive and around Weymouth.

Thank you for considering my submission, I look forward to hearing from you.

Regards

JL

Encl. Copy of Infringement notice

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