A WOMAN’S WEEK AT THE GYM : Hilarious
Oh yes I have been there. I believed them when they said ‘Come, Join XYZ Gym and You Too Can Hit The Beach in a Skimpy Bikini This Summer’.
Everyone was all smiles, friendly, understanding and so, so helpful when I joined. But after 3 months of sweating it out a couple of times a week and really not a whole lot of difference, I complained to my instructor Glen.
'When it comes right down to it, how you work out is very important' – says Glen the Gym Instructor.
- Image via Wikipedia
Everyone, he says, knows that you have to work your body in a ‘certain way’ –
- Aha!! So this 'certain way' is obviously my problem and why I don’t yet have a Pamela Anderson physique even though I work out regularly.
Define ‘a certain way’ I ask…...never mind!
Well when I saw this hilarious Diary Note it rang some bells for me, I mean, I could almost relate to it - and so may you! So please enjoy it, I have no idea who the author is or was but whomever she is….'Madam I pay you homage’.
If you read this without laughing out loud, then there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to every woman who ever attempted to have a body something like Pamela Anderson's or get into a regular work-out routine.
Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Brad, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Brad waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile.
Woo Hoo!! Brad gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skilful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my work-out today. Very inspiring!
Brad was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!
- Image via Wikipedia
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
Brad made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Brad's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop.
Brad was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Brad put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Brad told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other sh..t too.
THURSDAY :
Brad was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes.
Brad took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the rest-room. He sent some skinny bitch to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
- Image by MoToMo via Flickr
FRIDAY :
I hate that Brad more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world.
Brad wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the dam barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.
Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
SATURDAY :
Brad left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to smash the machine with my planner.
However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
SUNDAY :
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy.
I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
One, Two, Three...Breathe!!
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I think walking is one of the best ways to keep in shape. I have such a busy lifestyle that I never have time to really exercise. But I do make sure that I walk to and from work everyday in order to keep healthy and fit.
monika@smooth fitness coupons´s last blog ..Special offer
Hey Monika
Welcome back, how are you? Good on you for being so committed – also walking is believed by some health experts to be a most effective’ form of exercise. So keep going Monika!!
Cheers
Lorrette
I like the post and might have to incorporate it into my blog. People need to know how to eat right and it is not all that hard, but education is key. Thanks for the link!
So true Monika and pleased you liked the post.
Cheers
Lorrette
Walking is my favorite way to loose weight and tone my muscles. It also helps me to de-stress from my busy work day. I set a goal to walk at least 30 minutes per day, longer if time allows. My husband likes a more intense workout at the gym, but will “take me for a walk” and that’s when we find time to spend together in our busy lives.well happy Christmas to you.
Hi Jinnie
My husband and I do the ‘walk thing’ too with our dog Max – it is our favorite 30 minutes of our day.
Cheers
Lorrette
great work i just love your ideas thanks for sharing.
Great article! Its so true, every celebrity with a Pamela Anderson like physique is doing some serious regime and a little more. I read recently that Jennifer Lopez works out 15 hours per week! Regular soccer moms like me are lucky if we sleep 15 hours a week, let alone have that time to go to the gym. The other thing they dont tell you are the extraordinary costs of supplements they use…these run into the THOUSANDS!
Ala @ Scary Vampire Costumes´s last blog ..Love Bite Vampire Costume
Thanks for the positive feedback. Yep, I know what you mean. Are any of these celebs ‘real’ anymore. I mean you have to ask which parts are real or human and which are fake! They all seem to have quite a collection of plastic and silicon bits these days, not to mention what they have had ‘removed’ and no longer have. Aah, yes the 15 hour a week workout??? if only we had the luxury of the time and money to do the same things. Somehow, I think we are happier…I hope so!!
Celebrate life and what’s real
Lorrette
Very good post. I just love to read this.
If Brad wasn’t already a man, I’d say he sounds just like a man. You have to rest between workouts to allow the muscles to heal. According to my calculations, your 7-day workout should have taken 56 days. However, in your suffering you may have accidentally discovered Pam’s secret. The reason she’s so…well, the way she is…is because she wiggles around on her toothbrush, too. LMAO!
At first, I wasn’t sure if this blog would live up to its name. I wondered if I was just wasting time on something that would fall short of my expectations. It’s a good thing I was wrong! Nice article, I really like this!
Love this little diary story. As a trainer myself, it really cracked me up. But it doesn’t have to be that way!;0) If you find the right trainer who works with who you are and how your body works, you will get results and learn to love to workout!
Angie´s last blog ..What is Your “Why” in Weight Loss?
I wholeheartedly agree with you Angie – the right Trainer can and does make all the difference. Thank you for visiting and for your excellent comment. Please visit us again soon.
Lorrette
My wife loved this one! thanks
James’s last blog post..Diamondback 860 ER
Hi James, most women do love this one. My particular favorite, and of course the mind boggles, is how she has to brush her teeth. Too funny! Thanks for visiting and for your comment.
Haha. I’ve read this joke before some where, but it still is hilarious.
System’s last blog post..Lack of Vitamins
Yep, some of the ‘oldies’ are still some of the best but it is surprising how many will not have seen it. By the way I visited your blog, read your post on Lack Of Vitamins and left a comment. Thanks for visiting DSU and for commenting, hope you visit again soon.