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Hilarious – The Infamous Flexi-Wings Letter

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Written by Lorrette 5 Comments
Last Updated:: April 24, 2009
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This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to Proctor and Gamble, an American company,  regarding their Flexi-Wings feminine products.

She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It apparently was PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Postcard - Sexy Woman writing a letter
Image by Hiiiiii MY NAME IS BRAAAAAAAAAAAK via Flickr

Although this is funny - what is really amazing is that it is true.  Ok, this is a woman thing but I expect in this day and age some guys out there would get a giggle out of it as well..enjoy

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.

But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior.

You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with 'homicidal maniacs in Capri pants'... Which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?

FYI, unless you're some kind of sick freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.

Yours truly

Well, I just had to share this.  Everytime I read it...I laugh.  The letter was copied exactly as I received it, and I apologise if any part of it has offended any of our readers.

Aaah,  girlfriends we do manage to 'wear it well' when we are ticked off.  What was that saying.....What is the difference between an angry pitbull and a women with PMT?..thats right...'lipstick'.

Hang In There Girls - Let em know when it is time to back off!!
8731B801E0698F23A03735C0AAD1BECC Hilarious   The Infamous Flexi Wings Letter

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  1. If she do not like salsa, Hip Hop is the next best option.
    Todd Chen´s last blog .. My ComLuv Profile

    Reply
  2. OK-we had to feature this one in our GGS high fives again! I loved this post! thanks for sharing

    Reply
    • #4
      Lorrette says:

      Oh yes, I too love this one….just too funny. Oh Sian you are more than welcome…just so glad you are enjoying my posts and hey I am honored for the feature. Thanks too for visiting again.

      Celebrate Life Laughing Till It Hurts
      Lorrette

      Reply
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